Wednesday, 2 April 2014

I was the other woman

I don't know why, but I recently started reading my old blog and went all the way back to end 2005/ start of 2006. It was during that period that I unwittingly came in between a girl who loved a boy very much, and well... the boy... I don't know if he loved her or not, but he never gave me any inkling that he even had a girlfriend.

You see, back then, it was Friendster and not Facebook... And we didn't do background checks on people we were dating. At least, I didn't.

So I (ever the stalker) googled his then-girlfriend's old blog. Once I laid my eyes on her entries, I fell back in time and once again, felt the hurt and anguish that he had inflicted on her and that I had also unknowingly played a part in causing each tear she cried by just being there.

I guess that an egoistical part of me was kind of pleased that I was of such significance, that she should stalk my blog and read and re-read my entries about him. She meticulously read through them for mentions of him and our meetings... He never mentioned anything about that, her, nor told me not to keep a record of our meetings in that little space I could call mine. How naive I was to think that what I posted in the world wide web would be private.

What can I say? Some of her blog entries read just like mine, some of them, strangely, seemed a cut-and-paste of my stuff, down to the poems. I look back on the relationship he and I had, and it could be summed up in one word, simply - immature. Really when I stripped all my feelings away, I see him as weak and selfish, and I am glad that we all both moved on from that. 

For those of you who may ask what I did when I found out that he had a long-term girlfriend, well, the answer is simple. I walked away. I loved him, sure, but it was either all me, or not at all. You see, a mistress gets all the breadcrumbs. All the empty promises... And what about her? I never hated her for loving him, because who would envy a woman who had been disappointed so many times by the same man? If anything, she was to be pitied for trusting a man that was so careless with her heart.

I hope I made them better. As people. For him to stop cheating. For her to see right through him. For her to know that she can do so much better, she deserves so much better than a lesser man like him.

So wherever you are in this world, Stephanie, I hope that you are happier, better off, and in love with a man who treasures and cherishes you like you deserve. I wish you all the best.

(From my old blog, 21/5/2013)

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